Tessie D

If you’re paying attention to the dates, you can tell that I’ve been falling behind with this little project. 

It’s just that it’s been harder to write at lunch. I’m so tired from working in the evenings that I haven’t been able to get my homework done. This means I’m playing catch-up during lunch when I’d normally be writing. 

I finally got caught up last night, so I snuck off to the library after lunch to write. 

Maybe that’s not entirely the whole truth. I think I’ve been avoiding writing about this weekend.

I don’t know what to say. 

I don’t know if there is anything to say. 

After all the weirdness of Thursday night, I decided that things would be different and went to w work on Friday. I would be the best, friendly employee at the restaurant. I impress them all. So, after school, I went home and showered again, I changed into my uniform, fixed my hair, and put on some makeup. I looked rather pretty, if I say so myself. And, when I got to work, Matt and Debbie even commented on how nice I looked that evening. 

I was extra friendly with all of the customers, and my tips were even better than last week. I think it must have shown that I was trying because later that evening, before the first dinner rush, Alex called me to the back of the restaurant. 

He was sitting at one of the tables with small stacks of receipts and ledgers piled around him. 

“Debbie said you wanted to talk to me?” I asked.

Alex sat back in his chair and looked me up and down. “Yes. How is everything going this evening?” 

“Fine, everything is great, sir.” 

“Good, good. I’m glad to hear it. Does this mean that this week will be better than last?” 

I didn’t know what to say so I looked down at my hands. 

“Well?” Alex asked, waiting for an answer.

“Yes, yes sir. It’s going to be a much better week.” 

“Good. Okay, then. Get back to work,” and he turned his attention back to the papers in front of him.

I walked back up to the front to get back to work.

The rest of the night went smoothly, but I was bothered by my conversation with Alex. I couldn’t remember specifically what I’d done wrong the week before. My uniform might have been a little messy but that was only when he called me to come in on my day off. And, I didn’t mess up any orders or neglect any of the customers. My tips were great all last week. 

Then, on Saturday night, something else happened. I came into work for my evening shift. The evening rush was busy with the usual weekend crowd–families of six and eight with young children and their grandparents, married couples who sat quietly not saying anything to each other, and college students going out before heading over to the bar. 

After the last rush of the night, I finished up on the floor and cashed out my tips. $65. It was my best night yet. I said goodbye to Debbie, Eric, and Deidra and walked back to the kitchen so that I could leave from the back door. I didn’t want Alex to see me leaving and want to talk to me. I can’t explain why but I still felt awkward from Friday night.

It was well after 9:00 p.m. so it was dark outside and the only flood light in that part of the parking lot did little to help. I wasn’t scared to walk out alone. It’s a small town after all and nothing really ever happens here like it does in the city. 

Still, by the time I’d stepped outside, I realized that two people were standing by the dumpster, talking. Even in shadow, I could tell by their profile and height that I was Alex and Matt. 

They saw me and waved. I waved back but kept walking. When I got to my truck, I started to dig my keys out of my purse. 

Alex called after me, “Tess, hold up.” I saw Matt walk back toward the building as Alex turned toward me.

I slipped the key into the lock and felt the latch give as the door unlocked. I opened the door just as Alex walked up and the truck’s overhead light came on. 

“Hey, I was just heading out,” I said over my shoulder. 

Alex walked up behind me before I could climb into the truck. 

“You’re done for the evening?” He asked, making it sound more like a statement than a question. 

“Yeah, all done,” I said. I was standing just inside the door with the front seat behind me.

“So, what are you up to tonight? Do you a date or something?” He tone was markedly lighter now. 

“No,” I shook my head. “I’m just going home.”

“Well, why don’t you stick around town. Come back later after we’ve closed up and we’ll go get something to eat. We can hang out for a bit.” As if he knew what I was about to say, “I’m sure your mother wouldn’t mind. She likes me.” The truck light was bright and lit up Alex’s face. 

“Oh, thanks. But, I’m pretty tired from working all week. I think I’ll just head home for the night.”

“That doesn’t sound like any fun. Come back and we can hang out. We can get burgers and go back to my place. We could watch a movie,” Alex said. He was standing near the truck door, so I couldn’t close it. 

“That’d be nice, but, um, I probably shouldn’t. My mom is probably waiting up for me,” I lied. It wasn’t the truth. Momma would be at work by the time I got home, and Daddy would’ve already gone to bed. He wouldn’t know if I’d come in at 10:00 or 2:00. 

“Come on. Come back later. It’ll be fun, I promise. I won’t tell anyone as long as you don’t,” Alex said, smiling broadly and running a hand through his hair. 

I looked down at my keys and started fumbling, looking for the silver, square key that started the ignition. 

“Thanks, but I’m dirty and sweaty, and I probably smell like lemons and bleach.” I don’t know why I felt so nervous. Alex was my boss, and nothing had happened. 

But, something was off—us talking alone in the parking lot, him asking me to hang out later. I would think that this would be something I would like. 

I turned to get into my truck, throwing my purse across the cab into the passenger seat. 

“Yeah, that’s fine. But, if we’re not going to hang out, can I, at least, get a hug?” Alex held out his arms and stepped toward me. 

“Uh, sure. Yeah, okay,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to be rude or hurt his feelings if I said no. 

He raised out his arms, and I stepped forward. Then, he wrapped his arms around me, and we hugged for a brief moment. But, when I tried to step back, I couldn’t. He didn’t let go and instead, he pulled me back in tighter. He hugged me harder this time, and I could feel my chest pressed tight against his. I could feel his hips pressing against mine. I couldn’t move back any further because of my truck, and I could feel my heart pounding. 

It could only have been four or five seconds, but it felt longer. Too long. His entire body was pressed up against me. I didn’t know what to do so I just stood there, my hands braced against him.

Finally, he stepped back. “We’ll hang out next time, then,” he said and smiled. 

“Yeah, sounds good. Good night,” I said as I turned and climbed into the truck. Alex turned and started back toward the building. 

I turned the key in the ignition, and the truck’s engine turned over. I shifted the truck into drive and pulled out. By the time, I’d gotten out of the parking lot and headed toward home, Alex was back in the building. 

I don’t know what to say about it. I don’t know how to feel. It wasn’t as if something bad had happened. He asked for a hug, and I’d said, yes. And, it was just a hug. He hadn’t tried to touch or kiss me or anything like that. It was just a hug. And, he’d asked first. I couldn’t say that he forced himself on me or anything like that. I said it was okay.

Still, something was… off. It felt weird. 

I feel weird.