Tessie D

I hung out with Monica, Pamela, and Christy last night. We went over to Monica’s house and watched movies in her living room while doing our Pre-Cal homework. Monica is a Mormon and isn’t allowed to watch movies with cursing or sex, which is funny since the first time I ever saw Pulp Fiction, it was at her house when her parents were at work and her cousin, Jody, brought it over. He insisted that we watch it because it’s “the best, y’all. It’s the best movie ever made.” (I don’t necessarily disagree with him that it’s not a great movie. I don’t know if it’s the best movie ever made, mostly because I’m not sure if I understood all of it.) 

I think I figured out what I’m going to do about college next year. Now that I have the money now to pay for the registration fees, I went ahead and mailed off my application and signed up to take the entrance exams in June. I haven’t mentioned it to Momma or Daddy, yet. They haven’t said anything about college or what I’m going to do next year, so neither have I. They would just as rather I keep working than go to college. The money is good, and I could work more if I weren’t in school during the day and could work the lunch shifts. I’m sure she’s hoping that I’ll meet someone, get married, move out, have children. 

But, that will never happen. I don’t want to ever get married or have children. Momma went to college for a year and became a nurse. Debbie went straight to work out of high school. What did it get them? They work all the time. They’re always tired. Then they go home to their good-for-nothing husbands so that they can take care of them and their kids.

You know, in my entire life, I’ve only seen Daddy do the dishes when he’s mad? If he’s doing them, it’s because they’ve piled up so high. He’ll throw them around the sink, splashing water everywhere, and yelling about how disgusting we are and how “I guess I’ll just have to clean up the god damned house now.” If I think about it, I’ve never seen him use vacuum, make a bed, or cook dinner. Sometimes, Momma will dump a load of laundry on the table in front of him and tell him, “Fold.” Can you imagine a life where you don’t have a job and you’re also not expected to cook or clean the house? I don’t mean just for your family, but even for yourself?

Why on Earth would anyone want any of that?

I want to be like Deidra and Eric — I want to go to college, read literature, hang out with friends. I imagine traveling the world, writing stories, visiting art galleries, drinking wine — even if I don’t know if I’d even like it. I don’t want to get married, have babies, and wait tables for my entire life.