Tessie D

Horoscope for today in this morning’s paper:

“You might have a strong need for balance and harmony now. You probably desire to keep things nice rather than venturing into fundamental questions in order not to disturb the peace. You must learn to share your good and bad feelings. Do not be afraid to be who you really are, despite what is expected of you.”

Angel and I went out on a country drive last night to see the moon and stars. It’s been raining all day and overcast, but by dinnertime, although the air was still cold, the skies had cleared up. We drove through town in his truck, the radio playing softly in the background. The Christmas lights on the houses reflected on the dark, slick pavement before us like little stars mirroring the sky.

We drove a few miles out of town and down a damp, dirt road. The truck didn’t kick up any dirt since it’d been raining all day. We drove up to the entrance of an old cemetery. Angel pulled the truck off the road, got out, and put down the tailgate. He spread out a mat in the truck bed and draped an old quilt out on top.

We both climbed up into the truck bed and layed down so that we were looking up at the stars. Thousands of pinpricks of white light painted against the black velvet sky. The insects and animals hadn’t emerged from the rain so that night was entirely silent and still. It was as if we’d driven off into our own private hideaway in the middle of the huge, expansive galaxy.

After a few moments, Angel raised his arm, “Come here, come closer.” And, I nestled up in the nook he created for me with his body and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel my body relax and mould into his.

“Tell me about your family, your parents, what you were like in high school,” Angel said. “I always do all the talking.”

“Well, you know where I used to live since you went to the carnival in town. Momma is a nurse in town and Daddy works on the farm, growing hay and raising cattle. My little sister, Annie, is away at college.”

“And, what about you? I want to know more about you? What were you like in high school? What have you been doing since you graduated high school and moved here?”

My legs felt numb and I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

“In high school?” I took a deep breath. “I was in the band. I was a bit of a nerd, even though I didn’t get great grades. I wasn’t very good at math or science, but I liked to read. I still like to read. But, my high school thought that being smart meant being good at math and science. Everyone can–or at least should be able to read–so that didn’t make someone especially ‘gifted or talented.’”

“I could see that. What about popular? I bet you were very popular,” Angel asked.

“I don’t know about that. I was okay. I had friends. But,… Daddy isn’t… We aren’t the right kind of family. Not like your family. Your family goes to church, is respectable. My family… isn’t like that. Daddy’s family had lived in the area since the first settlers in Comanche county, but we don’t go to church. We never seemed to quite fit in when we moved here.”

I wasn’t trying to be evasive. I had just been working so hard for the past two years… (fiften years?) to remake myself into someone different. Someone smart and respectable.

“That was their loss then. They missed what was right there in front of them the whole time.” He squeezed me closer to him and exhaled.