Tessie D

We set the date for two weeks from now. This seems a little prophetic that Momma and Daddy got married after two weeks, so maybe it’s a sign.

I told Angel yesterday evening after work. He’d followed me home in his truck to drop off my car, and then we’d gone to get dinner at the hamburger place in town. The ice had begun to melt, and the streets were clear, so we drove over to the lake where we’d gone for New Year’s Eve and ate dinner in his truck looking over the water.

We’d finished our dinner and were sitting in the truck listening to the radio, turned to a country station that was playing softly in the background. Angel didn’t say anything, but he patted the seat between us and encouraged me to “scoot over.” I moved closer to him on the bucket seat, and he reached down and held my hand in his. I hadn’t said much that evening, my mind working through the past couple weeks. Anxiety was gnawing at me. Angel would want an answer sooner rather than later about when we’d be getting married.

“You said something about getting married on Valentine’s Day. I think that might be a great idea,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, you okay with that? Getting married on Valentine’s Day?” He smiled broadly.

“I think so. It seems as good a day as any other,” I nodded and returned his smile.

“Well then, let’s do it,” he said, releasing my hand and putting his arm around me, pulling me in closely.

“Sure, let’s do it,” I said, my voice cracking and the tears starting to well.

Angel pulled me in closer and kissed the top of my head. He probably thought they were happy tears. And, they were, I think, for the most part. I loved Angel, and he loved me. And, getting married meant that both our dreams and hopes for the future could be realized. But, if I were being honest, part of my tears were for my Baby. I couldn’t help but imagine if she were here. Maybe I’d have still moved here and gotten the job at the dairy. I’d have found a daycare for her during the day or she’d be going to preschool by now. It’d have been just the two of us here, making it on our own. Angel and I would have still met, and maybe he’d have fallen in love with that version of me. Of course, he’d have fallen in love with Baby, too. He’d have proposed that we be a family together and that he’d love and raise Baby with me. Then, we’d be sitting here, the three of us, planning our lives together. We’d move to a farm, I’d go back to school, and we’d have Baby. I could see the entire scene playing out in front of me, and I couldn’t help but feel the ache of what never had been. All that we could have had together. All the Baby could have had if she’d still been here.

I called Momma later that night after I got home to tell her the news. I waited until after she’d be awake and getting ready for the night shift. I told her about Angel, that he works on the dairy with me, that he’s from a good family in the metroplex, and that he wants to buy some land and start his own farm. She said she was so happy for me, but I could hear the relief in her voice. I’d accomplished a goal that she’d had for me.

“Momma, I haven’t told him about before. I’ve been too afraid, but now I’m worried that I’ve waited too long and that I should’ve.”

“Don’t say anything. None of it matters now. It’s all in the past, and it’s not like others haven’t gotten into trouble before. Besides, he’s not going to be raising someone else’s kid. You can have your own with him and start over. Nobody needs to know anything different.”

I didn’t say anything in response. A few moments passed, and I asked her to tell Daddy and Annie for me and to give Daddy a kiss and tell him I loved him. I needed to go to bed since I’d have to get up early in the morning, and she probably needed to head off to work already.

“Bye, Momma. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Tessie. G’night.”